back at where i was

for all the times when i am in jc, nothing seemed right.
it seemed like a mess, like a huge blob of brown paint amidst the colours of red blue and gold.
i tried to find a solution; and i tried to rub it off my chest
but it would only worsen.

what is wrong?
i would ask.

the answer was
me.

I
felt that
the people there were weird i had to become another person i had to fit in everything is about politics i had to be popular i must show off i was smart enough to score i can easily juggle things i can live another life
i can be another me.
but
that was just me.
there was just me.
only me.

keep looking back and looking at others. why am i like this how could they be like that i want to be all of that wait how did i use to do all that?
i can do that, i just have to do what i used to.
so, i
just
have to throw away the new me reacquaint with the old me and do all the things that i used to do.

some
where
along the way, i realised.
wait - this is all wrong.
that isnt right.

what is wrong with you?
i would ask.

the answer was,
still,
me.

irony of it
all,
is that i would have to be
me.
yea! just me

after a long day, i found
myself
whizzing past the familiar backdrops, in the familiar brown parched land of Unrest
trying to make sense of it all
dayyum, where had i been all this while?
at the pit-stop
i let the soil run through my fingers, and looked up.

i am
back at where i was.